Kelis Rogers vs. Nasir Jones

When Kelis first linked up with Nas five years back, I was confused. Here were two artists on completely different planes: Kelis hadn’t yet traded in her frizzy clump of hair for a flat-ironed coif and ironic gold fronts, while Nas was just reclaiming a spot in the top 5 D.O.A. after holding his own in one of hip-hop’s greatest battles. So with the recent announcement that Ms. Kelis Rogers has filed from divorce from Mr. Nasir Jones, can I just say that I saw this one coming?

From the start, this relationship seemed ephemeral, something like a summer fling that stretched into an Indian summer and them some. To examine it from the character perspective, Nas has always seemed like he needed an around the way bitch to put in the corner, not an R&B singer whose first single called for nationwide female empowerment. And as for Kelis? Before she brought all the boys to the yard, she was an angry weedhead, mellifluously cooing over early era Neptunes beats for some of the gushiest post-neo-soul jams of the new century.

Low and behold, these two somehow linked up after rubbing elbows at a 2002 MTV VMA’s afterparty, stepping it up a notch by instead rubbing on each other and becoming one of hip-hop’s most confusing power couples. Then came the marriage in 2003, and that’s right about where things got weird. Rumors started swirling that the pair had such a loud, raucous bedroom life that they had to buy a house out in the middle of the country so as not to disturb the little old ladies in their Queens shanties. Now, I can imagine that Kelis is probably a screamer, but I thought Nas blew his load on “One Mic” and left it at that.

But when they took their collaborations out of the bedroom and into the studio, the results weren’t as mighty. Of the collabos these two have laid down, few have had any replay value or longevity. Kelis’ tracks that featured Nas were all sex-based aurgasms: “In Public” plays like a computer virus, while “Blindfold Me” is entirely too gratuitous for a Kelis song (she gets a free pass for “Popular Thug”). Nas took it upon himself to get personal on his tracks, relegating Kelis to hook duties on tracks like “Hey Nas” (not gonna lie, I still bump this), “Not Going Back” (yawn) and “American Way” (that Condoleeza Rice reference is already laughable).

From there, Kelis started to change, and not for the better. Married life had done something to her. No longer was she that sassy ass bitch gliding around roller rinks with the dudes from Clipse. Instead, she was holing up in the studio with producers like Dr. Luke and Max Martin, getting “Bo$$y” on her singles with Too $hort guest appearances. What happened to the chick that was once fronting explosions in the video for “Young, Fresh ‘N New?” I get that evolution is necessary for any artist, but this was shaming the past for the sake of the present.

And then the most uncharacteristic of events occurred: Kelis got arrested. While in Miami in early ’07, she spazzed out on a handful of undercover cops dressed as prostitutes, resisting arrest and slinging racial epithets at these fake whores. Would this have happened if she hadn’t become the chick tattooed on his arm? My guess is no, and that she probably would have gone down a different path had she stayed in her lane and kept on with her bad self.

Meanwhile, Nas continued to stretch out his legacy even further, keeping heads interested by doling out gimmicky album titles (Hip-Hop is Dead sent shock waves through the urban world, and we all know what happened with Untitled) and backing them up with slabs of hit-or-miss jams. Nas seemed to be the one holding the reigns in the relationship, rarely making reference to his wife while she flaunted that shit like a brand new pearl necklace. The imbalance of power had become apparent, and with Kelis missing from her hubby’s track list on Untitled, it looked as though something was up.

Seven months ago, Kelis and Nas announced that they had just conceived their first child (a boy, if I understand correctly), and while a blessing like that would be cause for celebration, rumor had it that not all was well in the camp.

Now, after months of media speculation that they were on the cusp of a breakup, Kelis has filed for divorce. And while I would normally be celebrating their split (if you know me, you already know I’m soulless so this shouldn’t come as a surprise), I can’t help but feel sad. Looking over their court documents, you’ll see that “Unborn child” is listed under Declaration Regarding Minor Children, a harsh reality to see on a legal form. Now, Kelis is going to become an unwed mother, a heartbreaking lifestyle thrusted upon an artist that once stepped on dudes’ backs in high heels.

Not only that, but even the haters can’t deny that Kelis must have been put through hell. Nas was allegedly fucking around and verbally abusing her, a horrible thing to do to your pregnant wife even if she was being a hormonal basket case (pregnancy changes women, duh).

Reflecting back on their relationship, I feel sorry for Kelis, not only for the fact that she’s been kicked to the curb, but that Nas won’t face any repercussions for the way that things went down. Hip-hop fans don’t necessarily care if an emcee fucks up in his or her personal life (um, Rick Ross anyone?), and this won’t be an exception. In fact, Kelis will most likely have to pull out of this one on her own, as her career has been on hold ever since her last album Kelis Was Here didn’t fare that well (her next album has been in limbo for quite some time).  If only it weren’t for that one fateful night back in 2002, Kelis might have pulled through and continued on as the baddest bitch in R&B. But now, you can’t help but pity her.